Happy. healthy. honorable. kind. loyal.

my 5 words for baby Smith.

I wake up, I breathe into them.

I lay down, I speak them to little Smith.

As my life evolves, I realize that these 5 words:
Happy
Healthy
honorable
kind
Loyal
are what I wish for the entirety of my self in this life, as well as for our tiny little newbie-to-come.

I recently ran into a former professor, who holds a special place in my heart.  I spent most of my days in grad school with her, discussing my hopes, my challenges, and everything in between.  I considered her one of my people, not just academically and professionally.

And then I graduated, and stayed in my Flagstaff life.  I married the man I met while finishing grad school, and now I'm carrying our first tiny human.

I ran into this professor, who I don't see but once every few months now, and it became very clear to me that I hadn't made her proud.

She immediately inquired about a friend who's about to enter into her PhD studies.

She then led into discussing a former student who had been published and was recently asked to sit on a national *something something* board for accomplished people.

She asked an intermittent question or two relating to my life.

And when the day ended, she left without saying goodbye.

She's not impressed by me.  I didn't meet her expectations.

This day sat with me for a while. A short while, but a while nonetheless.

I've had feelings of inadequacy before, and when I've gotten into this mood in the past it has lingered.. and festered.. and usually led to some kind of emotional pause. (or some new ridiculous project that I may or may never have finished.)

This time, though, was different.

I woke up the next day, spoke those 5 hopeful words to my little not-so-little womb, and realized
these words are for you, too, La.

And with that, those questions of "What more could I be doing?" or "Why isn't she proud of me?" turned to "Am I my happiest self?" and "Do I genuinely love my life?"

...To both of which I answered a resounding "YES!"

I truly am the happiest I've ever been in my life.

No, work is not always as FUN as I'd hoped work would be... but that's really okay.
 
and sure, I could use a few more projects.. there are always more projects.

I will feel a continued need to assess my role in this life, but from now on it will sound like this:

Am I geniunely happy?

Are my mind and body healthy?

Have I acted honorably?

Do I treat people with as much kindness as I have within me?

Am I a loyal friend and companion?

...and if the answer continues to be yes, I will take a break from asking and continue enjoying this abundant life, surrounded by those I love and appreciate.

Love to you and yours, and to the asking and hoping for happiness and health.


**OH YEAH. Since I only blog every few months, I must take this chance to celebrate the opening of Davo's newest baby, Proper, in Tucson NEXT WEEKEND! Holy moly.  Talk about experiencing life in abundance.... between my excitement for the opening, my sadness while Davo is away, and the joy/exhaustion/curiousity surrounding Baby Smith I'm at NO loss for emotions these days. Check out Proper's facebook page for updates and come by and see us once we're open!!**
 

.crazypants.

I promised myself that I wouldn't blog solely about being pregnant now that my body's creating a human, but today's entry simply cannot be avoided.

My sleep habits have always involved heavy sleep, lots of it, and vivid dreams. Not necessarily waking dreams, where you're awakened and feel like you're still in the dream, but I nearly ALWAYS remember the dreams that I have, and in extreme detail. Two days a week, my entire life, I've remembered my dreams in great detail.

If you have these types of dreaming behaviors, and plan on becoming pregnant, watch the F out.

My dreams have gone from vivid and twice a week to TOTALLY CRAZYPANTS and every night.

I used to keep a dream journal, and I keep toying with the idea of beginning it once again, but it takes a lot for me to turn the light on, grab my journal, and spend time writing (rather than just going back to sleep, which I am also, thankfully, able to do.)

Some of my dreams I have unfortunately forgotten, but the most recent I'm certain I will never forget.  I'll try to list the dreams I remember having since I've been pregnant, ending with the most unforgettable (some of them are icky and a little dark and twisty, so be prepared):

In 90% of my preggo dreams someone from my past has been involved.  Most often it's been someone from elementary/middle/high school who I haven't talked to in a million years.

During one dream, I attended the rehearsal dinner of someone who I considered a close friend (who, in reality, I've known since 4th grade but have never been true friends with) and proceeded to get into a fight with her, involving the classiest hair-pulling episode you can imagine. This person was one of the wealthiest I've ever met, so, apparently, (in my dreams) even cat fights are classy when you're loaded.

There was a dream in which I was pushing a toddler-aged boy around in a grocery cart, and he wouldn't stop throwing up all over himself. EW.

I've had dreams about two of my ex-boyfriends. Nothing too exciting, don't get crazy. In one I congratulated him on his new baby. And in the other we were walking around the mall. so random.

In one dream I had some very g-rated lady-on-lady make out time with one of my girlfriends. Never had a g-rated lady-on-lady make out sesh, nor have I wanted to, which makes this one especially perplexing.

I've had two dreams about one of Davo's ex-girlfriends. In one of them we were besties, and in the other I was wierdly jealous of her.

At some point I dreamt that I was in a group volunteering on the Gaza strip, and we were walking through the streets of one side I don't remember which when the other decided to bomb us.  As we ran out of the danger zone, I passed the wall dividing the two enemy sides, and to my left was a field full of small, round bombs.  The road on which I was running was thick with mud, and I couldn't run fast enough to get away. As I stood there, stuck in the mud, all of the tiny bombs started lighting up, indicating their imminent detonation. I awoke just before I was blown into tiny bits.

I had a dream that I was surrounded by people telling me I was beautiful. Please see the previous post about how UNsexy I feel these days in order to understand this one.

A while back I dreamt that I was in my high school (not my reality high school, but my dream high school), and Davo and I were wandering around, trying to find a room where we could make out.  We never got caught, but never accomplished our goal.

AND, last but not least, my most recent and least forgettable dream:

I was in some mansion with all white walls, and I could jump and fly around as needed.  I was being chased by the goblin from The Descent (awesome, disgusting, scary-ass B-movie from 2006) and, if you've seen the movie, you know that these goblins are blind (naturally.) So, as it chased me, I was repeatedly able to scoot away without being seen.  I was finally trapped by the white, slimy creature, and as he pinned me down he breathed "THE MONSTER EATS WHAT THE MONSTER MEETS" into my face and his spirit entered my mouth. As this happened, I felt an intense quiver all over my body and woke up.
what. the. eff.





Yep. That's the one.
 

So, there you have it. A very brief summation of some of the crazy person dreams I've had since being pregnant.

 

One of my friends reports that her daughter came to her in a dream; some beautiful, etherial representation of the child she would soon meet.

 

Others speak of dreaming about the birth of their babies.

 

I dream of goblins and lesbian make-out sessions.

 

Anyone care to interpret?

 

Does the goblin represent my baby, who has invaded my body so that it no longer feels like my own?

 

Why is the lil' dude puking in the grocery cart??

 

What the HELL is the Gaza strip dream all about?!

 

Do ANY of these dreams mean anything, or are they simply the results of the crazy hormoines pulsing through my body?

As I type up all of these dreams, part of me cringes at the idea of revealing something so vulnerable about myself for all the world to read.

 

But then, I often wish we would all be so exposed. I believe it brings us closer together, and hopefully makes some of us feel a little less crazypants.

 

...unless I'm the only pregnant person who ever has crazy dreams similar to these. In which case, I just feel more crazypants.

 

To be serious, every time I wake up from one of these dreams I feel a little anxious, wondering why my psyche is able/feels the need to create such intense fantasies. 

 

I'm at an exceptionally happy place in my life, so it seems that my dreams should reflect those emotions, doesn't it?

 

I do admit that I haven't loved being pregnant so far.

 

 It hasn't been the easiest road for me.  BUT, I haven't lost sight of the excitement and wonder of what is to come, and it surely hasn't taken away from my happiness. It's done quite the opposite; I appreciate my job more, Davo and I are communicating better than ever, and I daydream about what our little is going to look like every day.  I wonder what the munchkin will sound like, whose eyes they'll have, and what they will love. 

 

Until next time.... I'll continue to dream, hopefully they'll get lighter and fluffier, and if anyone out there has similar dream experiences to share I'm 

ready to hear all about them.

 

Word of the day: crazypants. Use it in a sentence today or tomorrow. You'll like it, I promise.

 

love to you. and you. and you.







Well, it's too cold for Birkenstocks.....

....but we're PREGNANT!!! Woop woooooop!!!!

:)

Apparently I'm a good-news-blogger; I haven't been here since 2 weeks after our wedding, and you may not hear from me until after I give birth. 

Maybe absence has made your heart grow fonder?

...or maybe you're wondering why I even still visit my blog at all!

either way, here I am, 11 weeks pregnant, and happier than I've ever been in my whole life.

So far I can summarize the pregnancy experience in the next few words:

             nauseated                    excited              
 nauseated                  sleepy               nauseated
                hopeful                  nauseated              
  curious                   nauseated                 blessed

..........did I mention nauseated??

To be completely serious, I've been thinking a lot lately about all of the anecdotes you come across relating to pregnancy (there is more anecdotal information about pregnancy than ANY OTHER TOPIC on the planet. I guarantee that.) Some of it is very informative, and some of it (as my friend Vani would say) is just BUNK.

Your skin is going to get so bad, you'll feel like you're back in high school.

The weight that I gained went straight to my ass, and I no longer recognized it as my own.

Your boobs will hurt SO BAD that you won't want your husband to breathe near them...

When I was pregnant all I could eat was pasta and processed cheese products.

Hot tubs, herbal teas, caffeine, booze, soft cheeses, sprouts; you know, all those things you used to LOVE?? You won't even miss them by the second trimester.

You're going to feel reeeeally sexy and want to do it all the time. And sex is stress-relieving, so you should.

.....and the list goes on.

While most/all/some/whatever of these might be 100% true, my concern is that women (and their partners) may be missing out on become distracted from some of the REAL important stuff by focusing on these tales.

The "real" stuff I speak of is as follows:

YOU'RE HAVING A BABY.
You're creating a human.
You're bringing a life into the world. 
You are soon going to be the life force for another living thing. 
....and, most importantly in my opinion, you will soon get to love and be loved in a way you have never felt before.
            
So, my boobs hurt, I'm gassy all the time, I've gained three pounds (apparently in my face,) and I don't really feel sexy. ever.

When I'm done with these minor inconvenienes, I will have accomplished the coolest and most mind-blowing thing I've ever dreamed of, and I'll have a new being to share love with.

Thanks for listening.

and thanks to the Creator of this life, whoever/whatever/however You exist, for the blessings that are my love-filled days. 

Could I look more exhausted?? But oh, so happy...

(((There are 1.5 solid lines on that pregnancy test... which apparently means PREGGO. It took us a while to figure out what 1.5 solid lines meant, but by test #5 we were pretty sure...)))

I wanna be pregnant in Birkenstocks.

Got your attention with that one, I bet.....

True statement: I do, eventually, want to be pregnant. in Birkenstocks. I'll let you know when that happens.

SO, it's been 6 months since my last entry. Life has been quite busy since January, sooooo let's begin:

I'm officially a Mrs. 

(((!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)))

for the record, while it may be unnecessary to REstate, I deeply believe that everyone should have the right to legally become a Mr./Mrs. I pray every day that it happens within my lifetime.

Here comes a quick not-so-quick summation of all of the amazing things that have happened in the last month...

The wedding was lovely and beyond anything we thought we'd accomplish.  I've never enjoyed eating crawfish more, and even ended up doing the cliche cake-in-the-face move. I loved every minute of it. Davo could've lived with out the cake face. ;)

A glass was dropped off of the balcony, we started 30 minutes late, and the parking lot on the invites wasn't the parking lot we had reserved. 

Wabi Sabi.

And then.......

I worked for a few days, went through an emotional "joy hangover," and re-upped the joy on our way to southern Utah for our honeymoon. 

And then...

Driving through Zion was close to God; I can't imagine the connection I would've felt had I gotten to climb around in there a little.  I'll be back.  Escalante was hottttttt, but calf creek falls was stunning.  Hells' Backbone Grill in Boulder, UT was sweet, and in a LOVELY setting.  (((I mention nothing about the food, you'll notice.)))  Camping outside of Boulder was like camping at home in Flagstaff, but in the middle of nowhere with a creek outside of the tent.  Three of my favorite things in one place (Flagstaff, Creek, Husband); it was my favorite night of the whole trip.  Moab was hotter than Escalante, BUT the bike ride above the rim of Canyonlands was unforgettable.

...HOWEVER, the bike gear we left on the sidewalk outside of our car was apparently VERY forgettable. The Dead Horse Point visitors' center staff were incredibly helpful and we came home to a box full of our helmets, gloves, CAMERA, and snacks.  Thankful for kind strangers on that day.

And then....

Telluride happened. A couple days of alone time with my handsome man, including some sweet birthday time, and then bluegrass.  Minus the sickness caused by a combination of allergies, smoke, dust, and a respiratory infection it was the best bluegrass yet.  John Fogerty kicked some serious ass, and a good marshmallow fight while listening to Yonder will always make me smile.

Now that that's out of the way.......

Today I have two words on my mind: flexibility and forgiveness. Today these words mean that I do my best to eat healthy, live positively, and support values I believe in. And when I don't, I forgive myself and hope those around me do the same. I believe in supporting a world where we all eat (what I call) "happy meat," but every once in a while I'm so hungry or something just sounds good enough that I'll take a bite of unhappy meat.  I value guiding my life with healthy, productive practices (i.e. avoiding high fructose corn syrup, exercising, being nice to people) BUT I reeeeally appreciate the flexibility and forgiveness that comes on the days when I'm just not at my best.  That said, I will continue to do my best to support the consumption of local, happy foods of all kinds, I will try reeeeally hard to stay positive and perky as much as I possibly can, and I thank you all in advance for understanding when it's just not as easy as I'd like it to be.

love to you.

~*la*~ ((SMITH!)) :)

Sedona, humanitarian politics, and Bill Gates

Three thoughts so far today that I'd like to share:

a.) Sedona with the pups (and a few wonderful peeps) yesterday was a hugely needed day of sunshine and exercise.  The feeling of sweat and dirt all over my body never fails to get me back to feeling like myself again. 

b.) I was going to go on a rant about Rick Santorum and his unworthiness of presidential candidacy, but instead I'll simply try to describe my view of politics.  I believe that in order to lead people, one needs to love people.  All people. I also understand that you need insight, some serious guts, and even more revolutionary thought. For the record, I do think Obama posesses all of these traits, and that he also has the potential to make things happen. I think he has a lot of factors stacked against him right now, and I don't think he's figured out how to make all of his ideas a reality yet.  Just for the record.

3.) Maybe Bill Gates should run for president.  In his 2012 annual letter he covered the complex issue of development, with which he has great amounts of experience. To sum it up incredibly briefly: if we put our time and money into helping developing communities, as well as improving our own education system, our society (locally and globally) will flourish in the future.
((you really should read it for yourself: http://www.gatesfoundation.org/annual-letter/2012/Pages/home-en.aspx#familyplanning))

Gates covered several issues including vaccinations to keep our children healthy, teaching skills in order to promote sustainable agriculture, as well as the distribution of contraceptives and sexual education in order to halt a rapdily increasing world population.

My apologies to any who agree with Mr. Santorum, but compared to his belief that homosexuality shouldn't exist lest it take over the world and people stop making babies, Gates' realistic, humanitarian efforts to make our world a better place make some serious sense.

If I'm right, Bill Gates might just be the man for the job.  He obviously makes things happen (The Global Fund raises billions of dollars each year for research and treatment of disease in developing countries; and the U.S. Fund is currently doing research in peer evaluation and other measures to improve our country's education system). He clearly has a genuine love for human beings, and he clearly has guts.  Not to mention insight and a nack for revolutionary action.

Wow. How's that for a rant?? This might be the only politically-driven entry you'll ever get from me.  I hope it made sense.

On a lighter note.....

We've lined up our caterer, our cake maker, and have narrowed down our choices for live music to TWO, so the wedding planning is coming along! yayyyy!

Now... if only we could figure out how to fit 150 people in our backyard comfortably.....

We'll do our best.

Ta ta for now. Love to you all.

oh, hey!

ARGH it's been two months since my last entry. I'm completely comfortable placing blame in this situation, and the blame goes to......

the holidays. obviously.

Thanksgiving was lovely, Christmas was a much-needed break from reality, and (I think I may have said this for at least the past four years) I've never been so excited to celebrate the beginning of a new year. ever.

And, so, here we are.

Restarting the blog, planning a wedding, thinking about babies (all the time), and enjoying every "in with the good air, out with the bad."
Speaking of breathing and meditation...

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." ~ MLK, Jr.

Please breathe with that one for a moment.

(((((                 )))))

As I began this new year, I vowed that I would FINISH at least FIVE days of the MASTER CLEANSE!!!

You know, the one where you drink NOTHING but LEMONADE (made with cayenne pepper and maple syrup) and LAXATIVES for up to 40 days.

I began with the initial goal of five days, and on day two I was feeling GREAT, contemplating making it a full TEN days.
and then I googled it, and read a bunch of stuff enlightening me on how much I did NOT really want to do it.
... and I made it through 48 approximately 42 hours.
but I tried so hard.
nope, I didn't.

Since then I have begun my mornings with a detoxifying juice, followed by grapefruit, to give my metabolism that boost that actually does make me feel great.  If you want the recipe I'd be happy to share.
I'd also be happy to share the author/title of the book where I found it, since I obviously didn't just make up this magic juice.

Minus the food poisoning I got after my lovely sushi date night last weekend, I'm feeling great these days. I'm running and working out when I feel like it, I'm eating great, and I'm happy.

On THAT note, I'd like to end my first entry of 2012 with my first DIY step-by-step!
YAYYYYY!!!!

I wrote a thank you note to our family's lovely friend Kathy, (who has so generously created/contributed a GORGEOUS set of earrings to my wedding attire.) and I got inspired.  I had seen something about spray painting lace on Etsy Pinterest while looking through wedding stuff with my mom recently,  and decided I'd try to spruce up that lame-o thank you note a bit and do it MYself. Check it out:

((( Thanks go to Crystle for introducing me to Pinterest, i.e. this generation's version of CRACK ))))

Step 1 - get stuff

Step 2 - lay lace over notecard and spray

Voila.



Stick with love. 

~*la*~ 

"Ethnic".. and other complicated words

Davo recently bought me the book Semantic Antics: How and why words change meaning, which is structured like a dictionary of sorts, allowing you to read the history of how specific words have changed over the years.  For example, the entry for the word "wierd" is found under "W" and reads as if you were looking into the pages of a dictionary, except you instead find the word's definitions from 1400, 1605, and 1816; and they're all different.


Of course, I love it.

 Soon after receiving this book, my friends and I got into a discussion about the word "ethnic."  I used it casually in conversation, and was alerted of my friend's sensitivity to the word.  In my mind, I thought, "'ethnic' just refers to unique groups of people. Yes, sure, some people have misused it ((see: ethnic cleansing)) but the word in itself isn't hurtful/hateful/ignorant..." And, so, I assumed I'd be able to look to my new book to find the history of the word and how it changed.  "Ethnic", however, is not in my fabulous new book; boo.    This word has been on my brain all week, so, naturally, I looked up a few ideas/opinions on the subject. 

I found an article, written in 1975 by Vladimir Menart, Deputy Chairman of the New South Wales Ethnic Communities’ Council in which he states:

The meaning of a word depends on its usage.The Greeks who originated the word "Ethnic" still use it in the sense in which other Continental Europeans use the word "National". In this sense of the word everyone is an "Ethnic"... I believe that in this sense "Ethnic" should be defined by us as meaning peoples, communities and activities having a separate and particular language culture background.

(((((((((((((This was MY definition of the word, just stated much more gracefully)))))))))))))))))

The other school of thought could perhaps prefer to define "Ethnic" as applying only to minorities consistent with the American usage of the word ... 

...Having in mind all the pros and cons I am inclined to think that the word "Ethnic" should be defined in the sense nearest to the original Greek usage of the word. If the minority aspect is to be stressed the word "Minority" can be added to "Ethnic". But whatever we do let us make the definition short and to the point. Long definitions mean more words and more words mean more problems.

Thank you, Mr. Menart, for being so articulate and giving me warm fuzzies. 

However, I believe his statement, "the meaning of a word depends on its usage" can be taken two ways:

I can defend my use of hateful words because my intention is not hateful.

OR

Words that are historically or generally used hatefully should be accepted as hateful and not used lightly.

I think we need to keep both meanings in mind, but, as many of you know, I tend to agree with the latter of the two.

I don't mean everyone should stop using all words that may be taken the wrong way.

I simply mean we should think before we speak, and we should think about who we're talking to when we do speak. 

...and, if you just don't care about offending people, do what you want; just don't be surprised when certain people seem to not want to talk to you.

Please please please, to any of you reading this, if I EVER say something to offend you, let me know.  Speak up.  Information is the key to healthy, respectful communication.

 Love love love to all, even those of you whose language I sometimes find hard to hear :)

PS: Kim Kardashian got married, and then got a divorce. Can someone remind me why I should care?

PPS: I'm confused by Herman Cain.  Can someone explain Herman Cain to me?

PPPS: If you love bluegrass and/or Yo Yo Ma, PLEASE check out the Goat Rodeo Sessions. AMAZE.

*****My friend Ronak and Rachelle, who started this whole "ethnic" discussion, just sent me to this article regarding ethnic food... an issue I meant to touch on, but didn't. Read on. It's a good one: ******
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203476804576616682225637832.html

Insidious.

a.) the movie was pretty rad.  I recommend it, with the disclaimer that the 1st half absolutely outshines the 2nd. Overall, I'd give it a B+.


Insidious  (((the part where I thought I might have actually pooped my pants.)))


2.) As I continue to find words I don't know the meaning of, I am humbled and inspired all at the same time. 

Upon examination of the word "insidious" the first exemplary sentence I came across was, "..the insidious nature of stress" (the partner definition to this sentence: "proceeding in a gradual manner, but with harmful effects.")

"The insidious nature of stress" might be my new favorite understanding of stress as it has played a role in my life until now (and will probably continue to do so for the remainder of it.)

I believe the concept of "stress" began in middle school, when I began making my own decisons ("I have to choose my own electives???") The girls were starting their periods; the boys were often "moved" at inconvenient times of day; the boys everyone was getting acne, and we ALL wanted to make out with everyone else. 

Since then, that little nasty "stress" thing has insidiously become more and more involved in my activities of daily living.

From first periods to my first home purchase nothing has been more salient in my life than STRESS.  It's so sad.  I began practicing yoga in college to rid myself of the stress in my life.  I know now that there really isn't a way to "rid" yourself of it, you just have to find ways to breathe yourself through it.  It will occur no matter what, we just need to know how to make it through without losing our shiz altogether. 

Today I planned to write about all of the exciting wedding stuff I've been doing lately (please see ridiculously adorable photo below) BUT sometimes we digress to reveal what's REALLY on our mind.

Breathe through your stress, my friends. Don't deny or ignore it, just take a deep breath, and lighten your heart.  Be kind to each other.  Be sympathetic to what each other is going through.  Go for a walk.  Lie on your back and stare at the clouds. Hug your neighbor.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." 

Love each other, and breathe.
~*la*~

We haven't sent them out yet... but they're gonna be cuuuuuute......

Idiosyncracies



Once again, I heard a word on NPR today that got my brain a-movin'.

Claire Danes, a person from several of my most lasting childhood memories, was interviewed discussing some new TV show she's on (Sorry Claire, but I highly doubt it will ever compare to My So-Called Life. I just don't see that happening.)
 

argh, I miss that show.

Anyhow.

She used the word "idiosyncratic," describing Temple Grandin's physical mannerisms as a person on the spectrum of Autism.  I thought, "Hmmmm there's a word I've never used!" I guessed what it could possibly mean, but having never used it I actually wasn't sure.

Sidenote: I'd HEARD this word several times before, just never really thought about it; for the record.

So, I looked it up.

I looked it up in several places, and came to the conclusion that it can be used to mean "quirky" (which I view as a positive descriptor) or "peculiar" (not always used so positively.) Sure, those two words are pretty closely related, but in my brain there's a very big difference between the two.

I began thinking of what might be construed as some of my idiosyncracies...
...and I made a list:

My rate of speech.  Is it an idiosyncracy to talk so quickly that your own mother sometimes has trouble understanding you??

My inconsistent grooming habits. A solid handful of my friends seem to be grossed out intrigued by the fact that I don't shave my legs/armpits on the daily. or weekly. or.... monthly. Idiosyncracy? Maybe.

My enjoyment of kid company more than grown-up company. We understand each other more than I understand some adults; what can I say?

My obnoxious fear of bees. No, I'm not allergic. Whoever said fears have to be be rational?!

My less obnoxious (but slightly quirkier) sensitivity to people touching my neck. Don't ever touch my neck without warning me. You might get punched in the face, and it won't be my fault.

This list could go on and on for each of us....

So, do all of the "quirks" listed count as idiosyncracies?

...and where does the word come from??
((When I can't figure out words' roots I get nervous.))

So many questions about one word.  Imagine how many words are out there that you've never used....

my brain is full! must be time for a new blog entry.

I fear this blogging attempt may begin to resemble my journaling habits.  I'm a notoriously inconsistent journal-er (yep. it's a word.)  For years I've gone on month-long journal binges, then put it down for an entire month, then picked it up twice in a week, and then ignored it for two more months;  usually in exactly that order.

I give you my word that I'll try really hard to be a more consistent blogger (I'm pretty sure that one really is a word now.)

As I sit in my sky chair and watch my younger dog eat the older dog's poop (what, your dogs don't do that?!)  I realize that if I wrote things down more often I wouldn't come home after work with a brain that feels like my stomach did after Davo's birthday dinner @ our new favorite restaurant, Pizzicleta (if you live in or plan on visiting Flagstaff anytime soon, please do NOT miss this little gem)

I'll breeze through some of the oodles of super fascinating goodies that have been on my brain recently:

We're getting married in our backyard. Our day will be full of love, friendship, family and togetherness and I'm so excited to plan it just that way.

...interested in helping paint candleholders or make fabric streamers? let me know.

what else have I been thinking about.....

oh, wait. that's it. we're getting married.  that's what's been on my brain.

HA!

Seriously, though.

Our wedding...
...and babies.

I don't know if the whole "biological clock" thing is legit, but something switched in me over the last few months and I have some serious baby brain. 

Davo's got it, too.
.... I hope he's not trying to keep it secret. oops.

At this point the baby brain isn't so much a desire to have a child tomorrow as it is a sense of elation that we are, in fact, ready to consider it as a realistic option.

Pretty cool.

Davo likes to say that I've known I wanted a baby since I was nine years old.  He's not very far off.

There was a time in college (like, two weeks) when I thought "No way, I never want kids," BUT I'm pretty sure I was listening to too much Ani DiFranco (pre-Petah Lucia) and didn't really know what I was talking about.

So, yea. I'm getting married and I want babies.  I'm so predictable.

That's all for today.  I thought this one was going to be full of wisdom and inspiration, buuuuuut I guess my brain had other plans.

Sending lots of inspirational, loving thoughts your way,
~*la*~

thankful.

A. I'm not pregnant.  My previous post referred to my beautiful (future) in-laws, Chrissy and Andy, who are expecting in March. Congratulations, sweet friends of mine. I can't wait to meet the little Shaw!
....obviously, I will NOT be that vague when I'm actually pregnant. I promise to make a huuuuuuge deal out of it, so as to not create any confusion. :)

2.) Today I am thankful for so many things.  I try to remain thankful throughout my daily life, but every once in a while it overcomes me.

Last weekend Davo and I visited my dad, who spent hours with us shopping for our new home.  We only actually purchased one (fantastic) mirror all weekend, but we came home with motivation and endless ideas to use in our new house.  I'm thankful that my dad is still able to take us on these adventurous shopping trips (IKEA is no small task) and that our schedules are (sometimes) flexible enough to take the occasional trip down to sweaty Phoenix to see my family.  Both of my generous parents also donated lots of goodies for the new house, and it's hard to explain how grateful I am to have a house filled with family, even when they're not actually here.

Today I'm thankful for the ability to appreciate stuff, but not depend on it for my happiness.  I'm thankful that I have a job which allows me to decorate our new home, but more so for the fact that, as long as I have a bed and a couple cute dresses, I'm pretty damn happy. 

Sometimes I wonder if happiness annoys people.  That's a sad thought, but I think it's true for some.

I'm SO thankful that, even though I don't always have happy days, I know another one is just around the corner.

let's see, what else......

peanut butter.
true love.
water.
sunshine.
doggies.
forgiveness.
honest friends.
clean sheets.
the sound of rustling aspen leaves.
my legs.

I could go on, but I'll stop there.

The (future) in-laws will be here in 3 WEEKS and I'm SO excited!!!

AH, there's another one.

I'm thankful that we have a home with room for guests. I love houseguests.
....I love temporary houseguests. let's keep it honest here.

I can't wait to see the Smith/Shaw crew and spend some quality time together celebrating each other and the upcoming marriage of Ashby (Davo's brother) to his fiance, Meredith.  It's going to be so fun. 

I think that's all for today.  I wonder what you're thankful for...

love love love to ya,
~*la*~

Yayyyyyy for mamas!

Motherhood has been the ongoing musing of the week.

((((my mom refers to this blog as my "musings." I like it.))))

Yesterday my mom was on my brain.  I pulled weeds for the first time in my life, and all I could think about was how proud my mommy would be of me for pulling weeds.

HA! I'm ridiculous. First time pulling weeds? who am I???

Today I removed the horrific wallpaper border in our downstairs bathroom (if you love Thomas Kinkade, I apologize for the insult, but it was horrific. see photo below.)  As I was scraping and spraying and spraying and scraping to get this obnoxious wallpaper out of my life forever, my sweet mother's voice was in the back of my mind, reminding me that I can do anything my male counterpart (or the people we hire to do the job) can do. 

goodbye, hideous Thomas Kinkade wallpaper. You will not be missed.

As I live longer, I get better at processing and understanding the daily happenings in my life.

Lately I've thought about what it must have been like to be my mother as I grew up.  

I wonder what it was like sending me to school for the first time.

I wonder how my mother felt when I won the spelling bee in 5th grade.

I ache at the thought of how my mother felt when I drank myself unconscious at the ignorant age of 13 and she was the one who had to take me to the hospital.

I am amazed at the thought of how loving and honest my mother was with me as she separated from the man who gave me life, who she'd been married to for the last 23 years of her life.

I wonder how I will be at motherhood, and how I will instill the same values in my children that my mother has instilled in me.  I'm proud of who I've become, and mama is hugely to thank for that.

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in February of 2010.  It was the most tumultuous year of my life.  I had just finished grad school, begun my career, was living with the man I knew I'd someday marry, and all of a sudden my best friend in the entire world was very, very sick.  In the midst of all of these beautiful life changes, when it seemed I was finally living the life I had always dreamed of, nothing else mattered so much as to make sure my mom knew how loved she was.  I lost hope there for around a month, when I imagined my wedding without her, my baby's first steps without being able to call her and tell her all about it, and I've never been so deeply saddened.  

Mom received chemotherapy for a year, radiation for several months, and a double mastectomy in June of 2010.  She has since completed her treatments, and now proudly embraces the title of "cancer vixen."  I spend as much time as I can with my mom.  I love her in the truest sense of the word.  After our recent visits I've told Davo how positive she's become.  She's back to her old self, but even better.  She seems happier than she's been in a long time.  I hadn't shared with her my acknowledgement of her new attitude before I read her latest Facebook musing, which I've posted below.  Sounds like she knows she's back, too.... good on ya, Mamasita.  I'm so very proud to call you my mom and friend.

.....even though you misspelled "bedside manner," you silly girl.

"Anniversaries are on my mind. I woke up this morning after a good night's sleep blessed with some interesting dreams, made myself a great cup of coffee and put fresh white peaches in my morning yogurt. I paid some bills, renewed licenses for my car and my doggies, checked my calendar for the day (again), listened to a voice mail, talked to Human Resources then did the breakfast dishes. While I was rinsing the sink, it occurred to me that this morning was like mornings BC: Before Cancer. This time last year I was still in intense post-surgical recovery mode and just returning to work but had no energy for anything else.  As streams of consciousness and mindful thankfulness would have it, I then thought "Thank you, God!" Then I said aloud, "Thank you, Dr. Clarence "Should write the book on bedside manor - dish it out as you can wrap your head around it while respecting your intelligence" Sarkodee-Adoo, Dr. Joan "Do not pass Go, Do not collect $200, go straight into Herceptin" Dahmer, Ashley (the hands down sweetest nurse on earth) and Kara (the hands down best receptionist on earth) and those wonderful Chinese Hamsters whose ovaries saved my life. Thank you, Genentech research scientist who recognized a new application for something as common to research but so esoteric to the rest of us as Chinese Hamster ovaries. Thank you Diocese of Phoenix for excellent Blue Cross Blue Shield coverage. Then, once again, came a flood of gratitude for all my friends and family who showed up with patience, understanding, companionship, optimism, lies, smiles, ears, fresh vegetables, patience, rides, meals, lawn care, shade, trips to the farmer's market, patience, vegetable garden weeding, did I say patience? Thank you Bahney Dedolph, Claudia Ness, Vicki Davis, George Davis, My staff at Catholic Charities Westside Head Start, Deb and Dan Hermann, Paula Hernandez, Steven Vitali, Kristen Schmidt, Kim Castellano, my sisters Martha, Catrina and Linda, my daughters Erin and Laura, David Smith, Janet Nellis, Joann Braucher, Nancy and Tyrone Williams (and Annika, Sean, and Zane), Mary Jo Miller, David Castellano, Sha McFadden, my goddaughter Alix Davis, Merle Salus-Herbig, Penny Davis, The Wellness Community, Suzanne Jordan, Kathy LaTour and my own stubborn nature. I got a card that called me a “cancer vixen” (vixen not victim, get it?). I guess when it comes to cancer one can’t be too much of a shrew. I look back over this year and amaze even myself. It is great to be back. I missed me. I’m glad you were there for me when I was a bit distracted."

...she LOVES that Chinese hamster ovaries saved her life.  I'm pretty sure it's the coolest thing she's ever heard of. and the strangest. 

Anywho.

I'm proud of my mama, and I'm excited to someday be someone's mama.  I'm proud of my dear friends who have been mama's for years, are just entering into mamahood, and who just found out they're going to have their first little one sometime soon (like, March 14th.) 

love to you. 

..and your mama.

baby La and her Ma

Oh, my lambchops.

Thank you, Neil Patrick Harris, for my new favorite catchphrase.

Two thoughts for today:
1. I want to get my PhD SO badly.  I want to do research, I want to write, and I want to teach.  First, I want to be a clinician for a while, but deep down I really want to go the PhD route.

b. If there were a Real Housewives of Flagstaff it might be the MOST boring television show on the planet. HOWEVER, it wouldn't be nearly as annoying as some of the other trashy "houswife" TV shows I watch, which I see as a plus.

.....yes, I'm a complex being and those are two of the most polar opposite statements I've ever made.

I'm okay with it.

I'll continue with the more ridiculous comment first.

I watch The Real Housewives of [insert the wealthiest city in our country you can think of here] and I like love all of them.  Why, oh WHY do I watch this nonsense, you might ask?

"But, Laura, you seem like such a well-rounded individual... you're better than that."
"But, Laura, you're killing brain cells one trashy episode at a time. You know better."
"But, Laura..."

Yes, well, I don't understand it, but I can't help it.

If there were a Real Housewives of Flagstaff I can only think of a small handful of women who would make it at all entertaining.  The rest of us would just talk about things like hiking, whose Chaco's are cuter, how to grow organic tomatoes, and what's on sale at Patagucc all day (pronounced /pattagooch/, as in Gucci, if you weren't sure.)

No one would watch.
.....except for me; I'll watch anything with "The Real Housewives" in the title.
 

(((((Patagucc)))))










Back to the more important statement mentioned above:

I know I will be more than able to complete my PhD someday, but my indecisive self still has no idea what I want to focus my studies on. 

My dear/sweet/beautiful/intelligent friend, Crystle (love ya), attended a workshop with me today on how to successfully work with bilingual clients, as a monolingual therapist or otherwise. 

The presenter was an obviously brilliant woman who has successfully hyphenated her last name to Fabiano-Smith .

(Tompkins-Smith? Smith? how will I ever choose??)

Anyhow, she spent a few hours discussing how to ethically and effectively assess/work with bilingual students (she has focused the majority of her research on English/Spanish speakers, but had wonderful insight into working with other populations, as well.)

This woman stood in front of us, (she looked about 30, maybe 35) and spoke as if she was born with all of this information in her brain.  She discussed "hard l's" and "stridal stops" as if it were everyday conversation.  She talked about the phonemic inventory of Haitian Creole as if she was literally born for this.

I found myself very jealous of her accomplishments. 

and by jealous, of course I mean inspired.

So, big thanks to Crystle for getting me to the workshop today.

and big thanks to Dr. Fabiano-Smith for lighting a fire under my bum, one I am not yet aware of how to put out.

Love me some linguistics, love me some phonetics, and LOVE me some trashy houswives.

.......and all of you, of course :) 



They're really mean to each other. don't start watching if you haven't already.



UPlift yourself and think POSTIVE!

My dear friend Vanessa, over at http://www.msladyday.com/, told me I need to "uplift myself and think positive." 
...she didn't like my last post's title.
I told her to calm down.
:)
BUT.. fine. Today I will chat about all things great in Laura's world.

Another one of my dearest ladies, Rachelle (who just got engaged! YAY!), recently made fun of the people who post pictures of their dogs as if they're their children.

Naturally, I agreed with her.

....but, since I know you're ALL itching to see pictures of our fabulous dogs....

That's Atlas........................... & that's Woody

and I LOVE THEM!

Sorry, Rach. I lied.



The dogs have started training with Michael from http://www.developingdog.com/ and they're doing so well :) I'm a proud dog mama, what can I say?! I'm not allowed to hug them and squeeze them and tell them how cute they are all the time, which is a serious challenge for me, but it seems to be working. Thanks, Mr. Tentindo, and your magician-like dog training skills.  We are very appreciative.

...and so are our future houseguests, who will no longer be lovingly attacked as soon as they enter our home.

Moving on to more happy thoughts...

I'm currently reading two books (I rarely finish one at a time. it's a curse.):

written by the "world pun champion" of 1995. The book is fascinating, but also cleverly written with puns sneakily slipped in here and there. Pay attention or you'll miss them!

 &

 

Wonderful history of euphemisms and the English Language. LOVE it.

If you're at all interested in language, where it comes from, or why we use it in all the ways that we do, I highly suggest both of these books.

...and I'm always looking for more geeky language books to get my attention, so send them my way when you find them, please!

Let's see.... one more uplifting tidbit for today....

I'm SO EXCITED for my friends Carly and Walker, who are getting married tomorrow :) 
...what should I wear?! I'm not prepared.

There are so many of us, all of a sudden, who have found our persons.

Davo is, truly, my person, and I am his.  that's it.  he's my heart.

I believe that not everyone is built for partnership, but for those of us who are, to find our person is truly one of life's greatest blessings.

So, to ALL of you who have found your person I extend my deepest excitement.

To those of you who haven't yet, trust that you will.  To love partnership is to find partnership.  I have no doubt.

Love love love to my partnered friends, my seeking friends, and my friends who love the single life. 

I am thankful for EVERY single one of you!  

I have SO many things in my brain EVERY DAY, how will I EVER fit it all into this little stupid blog that no one actually reads??!!!

WOW.

several days a year I'm reminded what a deeply emotional being I really am, and am constantly reminded of what truly matters, and what truly doesn't (but still affects me.)
***"affects" me? or "effects" me? DAMN I always mess that one up.***
I'm even more often reminded of what a big baby I am.

...wait, is there a difference?

In March I eagerly jumped on the bandwagon of this phenomenon many refer to as "P90x"; maybe you've heard of it.  I got SO amped and SO into it, and I was so very proud of myself.

..perhaps I should preface this "conversation" with the fact that I've always been an active person, having played softball until I was 17 and baskeball for several years somewhere in there, BUT once I graduated high school, my motivation to remain active has struggled.  to say the least. 

So, yes, I am the person whose activity and diet go in waves - I get on some random kick (this year it's P90x), I lose some weight, I feel GREAT about my progress, and then something else happens that throws me completely off track.

can I get an amen?

This year, amidst my P90x bender, Davo and I went on a little vacation down to Bisbee to meet our new friend, Josh Snyder, (http://www.joshsnyderblog.com/) and get our engagement photos done.

**Josh is an amazing photographer and a wonderful human being. Look into his work and give him your money if you can!**

We returned from our 5-day trip to southern Arizona (after several days of margaritas and all kinds of delicious eats) and I tried SO very hard to get back in the swing of the "working out" thing; I just couldn't do it.  A month later we became deeply entrenched in the drama of purchasing/moving into our first home (so exciting, don't get me wrong..) But, needless to say, my workout plans have gone to hell in the last 3 months.

.....where the h did this string of thought come from?
(((.I warned you. try to keep up.)))

ah, yes.

The point of today's ramblings: I had a meltdown this weekend over the fact that I've gained 3 pounds.
yes, 3 pounds.
I had my first "fitting" for my wedding gown on Sunday (I'm having a custom gown made.. I'll write more about that later), and the seamstress seemed deeply burdened by those 3 pounds. Yes, it is her job to ensure that my wedding gown is perfectly fit to my body, and yes, I understand that if I GAIN weight I am making her job more difficult. Whatever. It still felt crappyyyyyy to have someone annoyed by my 3-pound weight gain.

And, so, I cried.

I cried yesterday, and I cried today. at work.

As of 2 hours ago I'm back on the P90x bandwagon! Yay for me!!

...and I'm very sorry to say that I will likely be adding P90x to the list of things I will continue rambling about here. 

((((((I promise to NOT post any pictures of myself, such as the one below, on this blog.
...and I'm sorry to the lady in these pictures, but this is what she gets for posting her pictures on public P90X websites.))))))



I figure if I put some of my P90X challenges/successes in writing and force random people to sit through my whinings eventually I'll become less of a big baby and stop whining so much! 3 pounds do NOT MATTER, but feeling great does. P90x here I am. put me to work, please. not for the 3 pounds, but for my mood, and for the sanity of everyone who has to deal with my mood on a daily basis.

okay, that's all for today.

P.S. Someone on NPR used the word "implacable" today, and I thought to myself,

"What an idiot! That's not the right word!"

I knew it had something to do with the root "placate", but "implacable" just did NOT sound right.

...I was wrong.  Implacable was the perfect word choice, and I'm an ass who sometimes thinks she knows things that she really doesn't.

..hence the title of this blog.

Peace and love, boys and girls. Peace and love.

And so it begins...

why have I chosen to enter the blogging world, you might ask?
I'm not really sure.
I've reached a time in my life where I'm finally aware of my brain's potential to produce meaningful, rich information. I think this whole blogging idea came about because I've decided it might be fun to document my inspired, richly meaningful moments and share them with people who might enjoy them, too :)

....blogging also appears to be about honesty. And, quite honestly, the real reason I decided to blog is because I really like to THINK that my thoughts are rich and meaningful. While I do enjoy my brain and its potential very much, the majority of my thoughts are, in fact, incredibly random and disconnected.  My brain works in its very own way, in its very own time, sometimes without regard to anything anyone tells it it should be doing.  It's great, though often difficult to follow. I trust that you will try your best to keep up.

I've also recently realized my very deep interest in the topic of linguistics.  Regardless or Irregardless*? "I'm going to lay down", or "I'm going to lie down"?  These questions fill my mind all day, every day.

*Irregardless is NOT a word. please make note of this important distinction.

aaaaaand I'll soon be planning a "green" and "budget" wedding, which will most assuredly take over this blog the deeper I get into the planning process. how will I ever plan a wedding without cutting ANY flowers??? and what kind of wedding can I put together for $500?

Okay, not $500. but somewhere close to that would be nice.

SO, stay posted if you enjoy one or all of the following things:
1.) Me.
2.) language
c.) weddings
34f.) random thought

Thanks for checking me out.